Sighs*

Im not doing too good in tests atm, i failed my AC2 test mainy due to lack of study i guess. i really have to focus and get a timetable and follow it seriously.
On another hand though i have been going to the gym and trying to buffen up abit for the ladies hehe i wonder if girls like guys that are buff or average size ?
all i know is that i want to loose this stupid belly of mine and thinnen up abit.
im sick of seeing myself in the mirror looking down and seeing my gut. its really making me sick, for some reason i think i have suddenly gotten some sort of disorder that makes me hate seeing myself in the state that i am in. i have gotten really cautious of what i eat in the mess hall aswell. i try to eat lots of green and as healthy as i can, i work hard at the gym even though i bounce around like a pinball i still work myself hard, the reason ? i got asked by my mate ? i dont really know myself, i could say to myself cause i want to be healthy ? but i would just be lying to myself. for some reason i just want to shapen up and make myself buff to make my ex jealous... O.o'' what would she get jealous about anyway ? i dont even know myself.
i have also been gettin into mood swings, i get really angry or hate something or someone at just random times for some reason, and i get angry aswell. Why? i dont even know.
sometimes the stuff that i do reminds me of you, why. how come i cant get u out of my life. i guess i just need time to heal me from you. hopefully time will heal me and i will move on.
i didnt cheat on you, but after we broke up and i met up with ellas friend hanah i felt sparks you know. i had an awesome time with her and i totally forgot about you right away. im starting to get used to this single lifestyle every weekend that i go home. i have so much free time to hang out with mates and stay around at home feeling great. although i am also keen to get back into a relationship and have someone i can cuddle up with in this cold, someone that can warm my heart with just a text msg when we are more than 300ks away.