Is in a relationship.

My trip to The 12 apostles with my love.


Our Love.

Best mate i could ever have.

It's times like these that I have to thank god for us meeting one another and becoming best mates. We've known one another for 17 years? thats a long long time.
Sure you eat messy and spilt coke on my carpet, but hey who doesn't have little problems :p you taught me how to kick a football and I taught you how to swear at people in Chinese.
If you weren't there for me all those times that I were down, I don't think I would be here typing this.
And I certainly don't think I would see you in heaven.
I can't describe how happy I am and how happy i am to have a mate like you.

Is it worth it?

If something is hard to get does that mean that you should give up? Or does it mean that when you achieve what you want it makes it more worthwhile. I believe that yes if something takes you alot of effort to achieve it then when you have accomplished your goal then it makes you feel more impressed of your achievements.

结婚 - 不是结，就是分。

Energy tablets that suppress all of my feelings and emotions. they give me the feeling of unlimited power and that anything is possible.
代价？ suppressed appetite and emotions. sleeplessness and occasionally wanting to vomit and nosebleeds. Side effects internally causing long term damage unable to be repaired.
效果？ within 2 months i have managed to double what i could lift at the gym from when i first started.

If you asked me why i suddenly wanted to talk with you i would reply that i dont really know. but just inside me really wanted to speak with you. I really wanted to ask for a second chance but when i heard that you have moved on and dont want to think about relationships anymore i knew that i should not mention it. although i told you that i had said everything i wanted to. that was the one thing that i didnt say. to hear that you are happy and that all is well makes me happy for you. from the moment that we took separate paths, your future and everything for you went uphill. career. strengthened personality and i see that you have become stronger. As for me ? i went downhill. i became more addicted to drinking, drinking any chance that i had. i became more addicted to gambling. started smoking and others that i dont even want to mention here. driving recklessly and speeding as it gives me the rush of adrenaline. flirting and playing around for No strings attached.
You said you dont hate me for what i did. but what you believe is that your sad that i gave up so easily.

There is no one else to blame now, but i blame myself for giving up so easily. And i guess i dont deserve a second chance. If i loved you enough i wouldnt have given up so easily.

Lying.

When i choose to do something with someone that i have done with you, does that mean that im still thinking about you?
When i wanna go somewhere and i choose to revisit a place i visited with you, does that mean im chasing the memories that i had with you?
When i kiss another girl but think about you when i do it does that mean i still have feelings for you?
When a girl asks me how much i like them and what would i do to show how much i like them, and i cant do it. Does that mean i just haven't gotten over you?
When i find something in my wardrobe that you gave me and it makes me smile yet also sad, does that mean i still like you?
When i wont take a step forward with someone else does that mean that i still miss you?
When i find old pictures yet dont throw them out does that mean i want to keep the memories of you?
I'd be lying if i said No.

Strangers.

what did we argue about? and how did it end up like this. In every relationship there are 2 paths. A couple will choose the path of either 1. Marriage or 2. Breaking up. It might sound ridiculous but thats just the way it is. When you break up you both take seperate paths. you grow apart and end up back to where you started. Strangers. The change will be so drastic and so blunt, that you will want to get back together with them just to restore what became the average part of your life, to have one another in your life and daily routine. And when you get over with the past, things will never be the same. Your lives will then both continue in different paths towards the inevitable end. Becoming Strangers again. And then everything that you ever shared with them will become fragmented memories from so long ago, that you wonder if it all ever happened. And all that will be left will be a box of things from a fated period of time, when that stranger was the most important part of your life.

Just being myself

'" I’m a liar because I won’t tell you everything. I’m stupid because sometimes I’m wrong. I’m ugly because sometimes my face isn’t perfect. I’m a pushover because I like making people happy. I’m a loser because I’m not friends with your group. I’m fake because I’m too nice. I’m weird because I’m not like you. I’m fat because I eat when I’m hungry. I’m clingy because I don’t like to be alone.Im sorry for being myself. actually, im not sorry at all" - Facebook Like Page.

Timing.

Timing, its a very important part of our lives in everyday. Without it we would be late to work and not know how to manage our time. But what other things are there that require your timing to be right ? relationships are one of them. If you dont get your timing right your relationship could end up in ashes.
I remember the time that we spent the day together, we clicked everytime we hung out and i thought we had really hit it out. I thought the timing was right to tell you how i felt. I thought it was the time to tell you, that i wanted to be more than just your friend. That time in the car i said it all. But i guess the time wasn't right and you weren't feeling the same as i was.
From that day on it became awkward, we went from best friends speaking and hanging out everyday to almost not communicating with one another at all. I thought you felt the same and i thought it was the right time, but i thought wrong.
Like a leaf falling off a tree, we fell apart.

My moments in Japan

First Night in Osaka, we were excited !



Me and my travel buddy Nathaniel in a Ferris Wheel at the Fujiyama Theme Park, in Mount Fuji


At some Golden Shrine place, cant remember the name hehe


Bullet Train ~!

Desert time

很简单

忘了是怎么开始
也许就是对你一种感觉
忽然间发现自己
已深深喜欢了你真的很简单。

Results.

My hard work is finally being paid off, i hopped on the scale the other day and had lost 0.4% body fat and gained in muscle mass. An increase in muscle and decrease in bodyfat made me happy when i saw it.
I diet, eat less sometimes only one meal a day to try and burn more fat, but now that i can see results im very happy. Even though it is only a small change but im sure in the long term i will manage well. So then i can show to those that look down on me that i am making results and so i can throw it in the face of those who judge me.
So in 1month i lost 0.4%, if i keep it up by then end of this year hopefully i can get down to 15% would be great, but im aiming for 10% and i want a nice gain in muscle and be able to lift like its nothing. muahaha =D

Just a nice guy

Sometimes I wonder whether it's good to be nice to others or not. When you think about it when you treat everyone the same how does the one you like or am interested in know that she is different from anyone else in your life? I think now is the time that I didn't treat all the same and that I make it visible to you that you are more special to me than the others in my life :)
From now on I will treat you differently and make you feel more special than anyone else that's in my life. I will make sure that you know I'm being more nice to you for a reason. Cause I want to become a part of your life and I want you to become a part of mine. I don't want to be seen as just a nice guy who is nice to everyone.

I will always remember...

Alot of people tell me that, My blogs are always dull, always sad. I wonder why i choose to remember and blog about my bad memories, yet i keep and cherish all the happy yet joyful moments that i have hmmmm. This blog will be the last blog

The 1st time that i saw you, you tattooed an image of yourself into my brain, an image that im sure i will always remember. Location ? Number 28 Sunset Boulevard. Although we only spoke for a short amount of time, it was long enough for me to tell you my name and also just long enough for me to ask for yours.

When we met for the 2nd time we laughed.

And when we met for the 3rd time we cried.

When we met for the 4th time, we were quiet.

And from then on there was no point counting, cause what was happening what quite obvious.

I was cleaning around my room today and found a picture. It was a picture of us. One of the many memories that we shared together. Also one of the last memories that i have if you dont count the ones within my brain.


I will never be able to forget, but i will always remember what happened. Whether i like it or not you will always be A part of me Michelle.

The Places we should have gone

We often want second chances. Sometimes we don't deserve them. The feeling of regret and wishing for another chance is common when a couple separates. Whoever is at fault usually searches for sympathy as they have realized in hindsight their mistakes.

What does it take

What does it take to make it real
The worlds still spinning and im still feeling
Your head right next to mine
i'll think about it a thousand times
Wish i took a photograph
Of every moment that we laughed
Now im hung up and cant relax

Being a Raindrop

I dont mind falling. As long as im a raindrop. Because raindrops never fall alone.
After a joyful trip away from home yesterday, i was suddenly waken. I realized what i wanted the most. A thing that some view as the most important thing in their lives and for some enough to pass the days is good enough. money. Its one thing that i want to make the most of. Because only if i can make lots of money then can i say to my mum and dad to not worry about anything and just live life large. Also with money can i buy the best medication for dad.
Yesterday when i saw an asian man step outside of a $400K car, i thought to myself. i want that to be one day. i want to give my family the best that there is out there. i want to be on the BIG $$$ as a Quantity Surveyor.
But i also want to enjoy a job that i do and not do it just because im TOO AFRAID to take a step away from the path that my parents set me, i dont want to do what will make my parents happy, but i want to do one that will make me and them happy.

Why do something that you dont like? when we only live once ? whats the reason for it ?
Why do you hesitate with your decision, yet in the very end you still dont follow what your first instinct told you ?
Why do you tell me to do something that i DONT like, when i am very sure that I dont like it ?
Why judge me and tell me what to do ? WHO are you to judge and tell me ?

My mate asked me how my relations with the ladies are going and i replied, 'there was one possible target, but she doesnt like to socialize and the last few times i have asked her out, she found excuses'. All that i can do is take that as a NO. What im looking for now, is not just any girl, but the right girl and i plan on taking my time to find the right girl. Some may think and wonder why at the age of 20 would you be wanting something serious, why not ? i dont want to play around all my life. i want to get somewhere. actually decide what i want, what i like and pursue my goal.

When it falls

The morning is when she lingers, its before the world wants anything from her and thats when shes most beautiful. its true not many saw her like that, but i cant say that i was the only one. even though we each had our own beginnings. mornings like this were shared between us all.
She used to tell people that it was like, the world was drawn with a dull piece of charcoal, that was before me. Now that she sees things my way, everything makes a little more sense, this is me, if im meant for anything, its to show her the world. this that so bad ?
A quiet morning like the many before it, calm comfortable, but comfort can be terribly blinding.
she tells me she wants to be a raindrop. she doesn't mind falling as long as she doesn't fall alone, and raindrops, are never alone.
I wish i could have been there, because stories are never enough and words can only go so far.
She used to talk to me, sometimes for hours somedays for minutes. How relationships are based on communication. but her words however sweet and real, sound so distant. now they flow past me effortlessly, like they were meant for someone else.

those 3 words.

The other day you said those 3 words to me, not just once, but multiple times. I know that all you wanted to hear from me was that i would say them back to you. I never want to say them to anyone ever again unless i truly and seriously mean it. But im sorry i cant say what you want to hear from me. Its not you. its me

Tired

Been working everynight now for 3 weeks that is. Of course i get monday night off, but other than that ? thats it. Im starting to become not only physically tired but emotionally tired. I also have uni work that i have to incorporate into my timetable, lucky that its not a massive load but it shall not be forgot of. Not to mention the stress and expectations that i expect from myself at the gym and what i want to achieve in my physical side.
It has come to the point that some of the smallest things can cause me to get so frustrated and just....loose it.

It is what it is.

Possibly in a moment of your life a time will come that for almost anything or everything you think about, you will think of someone who’s special to you. You want to share with them everything you know yourself. You want to share your anger, happiness or even sadness with them. When your phone rings you’ll look on the display and hope that its them calling or if you get a msg you’ll hope it’s from them. You may even be stupid enough to plan a future.
_____________________________________________________
There are times when I wish that I could just disappear, however I can’t do magic. So I can only wear my sunglasses and pretend that no one can see me, or the pain inside my eyes. I thought that I had found happiness, but all I found was loneliness and pain. But then when you realise that all of those thoughts are just a dream you have to face the truth. And I do. I just tell myself that it wasn’t meant to be.

Leaving this Place.

When i finally made the decision that AirForce was for me i was to be held back by family, forcing me to give up my dream in the aviation industry. I was so happy that i could join the airforce cause then i could leave this place and hopefully ALSO leave the bad memories behind. Although i know that i would miss my parents, but sometimes even NOW till this day i still have to endure the pain.
Whenever you think that your situation is bad, there is always that someone else out there who is doing worser than you. And i have met a guy who is now an awesome mate who has exactly experienced a much more rougher situation. Sometimes when i hear that he is sad for some reason it will also make me sad and make me think of her.
He tells me that he minimizes the chance of thinking about her by not visiting the places that will make it remind him of her.
I wish i could do that. Not visit the places that i have also visited with you. But if i was to do that then YES it would mean leaving this place. The truth is i have taken you to all the places that i love and some places i have never been before i visited with you.
Airforce was what i wanted. A chance to leave this place, start somewhere new and TRY to forget about the past.

A Promise.

By Definition 'A promise is a commitment by someone to do or not do something'
I once made a promise to you, one that I promised to YOU and only ever to YOU have i made that promise. But i was a Jerk and Dick to you and didn't even follow what i said. I dont know if i will ever have the courage to say the same to you as i will to anyone else, I dont know if i will ever make THAT same PROMISE to someone else.

Gym

Joined the Gym this week, although expensive compared to the other ones around, this one is only 2 minutes drive from myself, so close that maybe i shouldnt be a lazy bum and walk there hehe. Following a program that adam gave me im confident with some hard work i will be able to get the results i want and prove to THOSE few people that keep attacking me saying that 'you go to the gym graham ? doesnt look like it, dont think its doing anything for you, maybe you should give up' i hope you die earlier than i do for you lack of exercise. yeah im nice haha
Bought a bottle of Fierce Energy Pump powder from Australia Sports Nutrition, damn that stuff is expensive, $100 a bottle. Why is it so expensive to take short cuts haha once again this stuff has warning labels over it saying how much you should use and blah blah blah hehe
Aiming for 10% bodyfat is my goal at the moment and i am currently sitting on about 22% so it should be a hard effort to reach my goal. i want to be leaner, slimmer, fitter and faster than i am now. Aiming towards a body like my Idols the famous 'Bruce Lee'
The first day i was there i did my Abs and shoulders and then ran on the treadmill for a good half hour. Man was i feeling pumped after it,but when adam asked me was i sore that night i said 'no im not' he replied that if i actually worked hard the next morning i should be in pain. Waking up the next morning im pretty sure i did work hard, in fact i felt like i was breaking apart i was in that much pain haha
i took a day off the weights and did cardio for a day and continued the hard work the day after with a day of Chest and Back. Once again i woke up the next morning ruined but even worse i was more ruined lol
Let my hard work continue and its time to head off to the gym now =]

Best I Ever HAD.

When you devote the BEST of everything that you ever had to someone special, obviously they mean alot to you. But what happens when they are no longer there? You are then back to the life that you had before that person came into your life and changed everything.

Life

Things will not always go smoothly just like you want them to be. But thats life. I wonder though. Why am I always put in situations that I have to give something up or be put in a situation that I must choose. why ?
='(

Recently

So what have i been up to recently ?
well at the end of January i went overseas to the land of sushi schoolgirls and sake, thats right i went to JAPAN ! with my good mate Nathaniel, we had a great time together over there and managed to let it loose and have a awesome holiday. Japan is an amazing place and i really would not mind moving over there and spending the rest of my days there it is that spectacular.
I have also recently had some troubles and have had to make some big decisions.
Just before i left for Japan i got a phone call from my sister in china, excited i was to hear from her i was told that my dad had 2 strokes over in china and was in hospital. It hit me hard but she told me not to worry as dad was still fine and that they would be returning from china soon and that i should not worry and just dont think about it when im overseas in japan.
When i returned from my trip, dad still had numbness in his right side of his arm and was not ready to go back to the shop to work and the re-opening of the shop was postponed.
This was the time that i was to apply for the AirForce but because of family issues i was forced to give up my dream of being able to continue working on planes. I had to choose between Family and Work and of course i chose to give up my dream and stay at home so therefore this year i am back in newcastle at uni.
This year i'll be back at the University of Newcastle again but i wont be doing Engineering whereas i'll be doing Construction Management instead.

After commencing work on planes i had been addicted and i knew that i could do it for the rest of my life as the career i enjoyed. but life doesnt always come and go the way that you want it to, there is always that something that has to ruin it.

Struggling

I should be posting alot on here, since i just came back from japan and should have alot to talk about. But the thing is atm im having problems and the decisions i make determines the path in life that i take. im really strugglingatm. i think its time i talk to GOD.

Memories in our lives are like Documents in our Computers

I wish deleting memories in our lives were as easy as just a few clicks on our computers, that would make life much more easier.
But the truth is no its not like that, to be serious and technical even if we delete it off our computers its still there...and it doesnt take much to bring that document or in our case those memories back.

Sounds like me =(

Easy come, Easy go
That's just how you live oh
Take, take, take it all
But you never give

Should have known
You was trouble
From the first kiss
Had your eyes wide open
Why were they open?

Gave you all I had
And you tossed it in the trash,
Tossed it in the trash you did (just like your balls)

To give me all your love
Is all I ever asked
But what you don't understand is

I'd catch a grenade for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah)
Throw my hand on a blade for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah)
I'd jump in front of a train for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah)
You know I'd do anything for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah) Oh, oh
I would go through all this pain,
Take a bullet straight through my brain,
Yes, I would die for you baby
But you won't do the same

No, no, no, no
Black, black, black and blue
Beat me till I'm numb
Tell the devil I said "hey" when you get back to where you're from
Mad woman, bad woman,
That's just what you are, yeah,
You'll smile in my face then
Rip the brakes out my car

Gave you all I had
And you tossed it in the trash
You tossed it in the trash, yes you did
To give me all your love
Is all I ever asked
Cause what you don't understand is

I'd catch a grenade for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah)
Throw my hand on a blade for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah)
I'd jump in front of a train for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah)
You know I'd do anything for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah) Oh, oh
I would go through all this pain,
Take a bullet straight through my brain,
Yes, I would die for you baby
But you won't do the same

If my body was on fire, ooh
You' d watch me burn down in flames
You said you loved me you're a liar
Cause you never, ever, ever did baby...

But darling I'll still catch a grenade for ya
Throw my hand on a blade for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah)
I'd jump in front of a train for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah)
You know I'd do anything for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah) Oh, oh
I would go through all this pain,
Take a bullet straight through my brain,
Yes, I would die for you baby
But you won't do the same.

No, you won't do the same,
You wouldn't do the same,
Ooh, you'll never do the same,
No, no, no, no

Christmas is near !

Christmas is here once again. It only feels like it was just last month that it was christmas, but apparently that was last year hehe. This years christmas for me will be the same again i guess, spent alone like almost any other year and im kinda getting used to it, which is sort of a bad thing but oh well its life.
Im thinking to myself what am i doing for NYE though hmmmmm should i go down to sydney and meet up with a friend to watch the fireworks? but she is no one special to me, so why should i watch it with her? or should i hurry up and find someone to spend NYE with tehehe?
decisions decisions decisions! And not much time left for those decisions aswell sighs
what to do, what to do !

I need a Girl like ?

Caring
Daring
Understanding
One that doesnt get jealous for small simple things
One that notices the small things that i do for her
TaeYang - I need a girl like?

What I thought was just another usual Sunday.

So like i do now every sunday i go to Church 180 and this morning being no different than any other. first thing i did was drop my sister off to go shopping before heading to church. then i couldnt find a park near the church so i had to park behind the train station. almost making it on time perfectly the Toyrun bikies came past. I ended up standing at the Spotlight Traffic lights for 20 minutes and being late to church. I went into church and for all the people that i would expect to go, i saw one that i did not expect. i saw michelle there. i thought to myself while listening to the pastor speak, 'GOD what are you trying to tell me, what is it that you want to tell me my lord'. I really hoped that i could say hello to her after the church session, but she just walked right past me while i wasnt looking. I thought to myself alot wondering what it was that GOD was trying to tell me. Was it that i should take responsibility for what i have done ?
Give it a second chance ?
Face my problems ?
and then it clicked to me.
It was like you mighty GOD you came inside me and filled me with the strength and energy, you gave me power to face my fears and my problems. I felt like a new person and i can truthfully say to myself now at this very moment.
THAT I CAN REALLY MOVE ON.
Today wasnt just any usual sunday. this sunday is special and i will remember the day that i move on. i will remember the day that GOD you filled my with hope, strength and power. YOU ALL MIGHTY GOD filled my heart and i felt the connection that we had.

From this very day on, i move forward, away from my past and towards my future that i have.

40 years

So i had a booking tonight and it was an anniversary for a elderly couple. it was their 40th anniversary and i thought to myself at that instant, i wonder if i will last 40 years with the one i love or will i be dead by then. Although there are many others who have had a relationship last longer than this, but for some reason the booking tonight really touched me.
i cant really think about that sort of stuff atm anyway, since i dont really even have a girlfriend *sighs* that is one thing though. looks like this year im going to go back to the usual self and have a lonely New Years Eve. Even though last year i had a good time with michelle. Sure i would like to spend it with someone...but who ? im not really into anyone atm and even if i am she is far far away from here to even hope.
i am slightly thinking to myself that i want to be able to spend it with someone, but with who ? i dont know *sigh*

Home from the Goldie !

I had a great time up at the gold coast, apart from one small thing to ruin my first night...but the overall time i had up there was awesome.
So day 1.
At 9 i arrived at bens house waiting for JW to arrive to pick us up. he finally arrived at 11 to get us. then i thought we were leaving but turns out andy hadnt packed yet so we had to go back to Barrahinebahn. we pull up in the car park and another car pulls up next to us. and what do u know, michelle pops out of the car. (__ __") sighs* and then from that point on the boys in the car just kept teasing me aiiiyaa. JW drove for about 4 hours, then i took over the driving at a maccas stop and drove the last 5 odd hours. So we arrived at the hotel at around 10 and checked in to our room 1602, on the 16th floor the view was awesome. put down our stuff had a shower and then hit the casino right away! haha
Getting back at 2am, we all went to bed, well not really all of us, I didnt. i couldnt get to sleep, as soon as i closed my eyes michelle would just pop up and i just couldnt sleep =( then i remembered i had beers in the fridge so i started downing beers, drank about 4 Chang beers in abit over half an hour and i was trashed, i stumbled to the toilet and then sat around on facebook looking for people to talk to ='( then i was drunk enough that i could fall asleep. i stumbled into bed and fell asleep. So i went to sleep at around 3am
Day 1
i woke up with the sun in my eyes, to look at the clock and it said 5:30 *FAIL* i had have about 2 hours of sleep. knowing that i would be tired all day i popped an energy pill and headed down to the pool for a refreshing swim, i came back all refreshed and jolly ready for what the day had planned for me.
We went and had some brunch in the Fair shopping Village, then headed to paradise beach on surfers ! the ladies on the beach was just amazing and i couldnt help staring at a few of them XD.
Then we headed to movie world ! i drove like a lunatic, dodging in and out through traffic it got my heart racing ! we arrived at movie world and did the usual themepark stufff.
After movieworld we headed back to the hotel, for a swim and then we went out for dinner at a fancy japanese restaurant which made us take off our shoes, its was epic ! and the chicka there was pretty cute aswell ;D after that we met up with JW's cousin in surfers and we hit the club !.....Stripclub that is haha JW asked me that night 'he did ur brother stand up at the stripclub?' and i was like NO he had no reaction at all towards the strippers haha. i guess they just werent doing it for me. After we got back from the club we then went to the casino again for abit more gambling haha
Day 2
me and ben woke up early to go for a swim, then back in our room we were hungry as ! so we went for a maccas run and bought some breaky. Came back then we headed nice and early to Wet n Wild ! i once again went on rides i wud have never thought of going on. walking around all day with no shirt off gave my ham a nice light tan haha although i did feel naked all day, but eventually got used to it. after that andy was buggered so we took him back to the hotel and headed back into surfers paradise and we ended up at timezone for like 2 hours. then we returned home to pick andy up and go to dinner. after dinner we came back and once again hit up the casino and then calling it a night.
Day 3
Me and ben woke up at 8 to go to the gym and pump some iron and then head back to the hotel to pack and get ready to hit the road.
and thats all i have time for. im in no mood to blog anymore

Keen !

Just ordered some new supplements from Bodybuilding and am so keen atm waiting for them to arrive !
Once again they are just hardcore chemicals for me to cheat a little.
Are they safe ? i guess they are as safe as the previous ones that i took, so half half ? or maybe they are more dangerous haha You gotta 'Risk it to get the biscuit right?'
Aim is to loose this stupid tummy of mine by the end of this year ! work hardcore and pop pills everyday muahaha !
Also im going to the Goldcoast on friday ! keen for that aswell im that pumped.
i wanna hopefully go for a run along the beach in the morning and get drunk everynight haha
thats all for now, time to go work out !

Last Week in Taaaaaaaammworth and Bodybuilding.

Spending my last week up here atm, by the end of the week i will be back in newcastle :) where i will be back with my good friends that have not forgotten about me. And also where i can hang out with the awesome new people that i have recently met, which is going to be awesome. but some of the new friends that i have recently just met have plans to go back to their home country =( looks like im going to have to wait till they come back again to hang out and catch up with them.
Anxiously checking my emails everyday, hoping that i will get confirmation emails to go in for interviews at jetstar and qantas is killing me.
Also recently heard from a good friend that her housemates were talking about me...so i asked, what were they saying about me O_o and she said they were talking about why me and michelle broke up...I mean they are kidding right, its been like 6 months since we split up and people are still talking about...really ? its really that interesting ? haha pretty sure i have moved on, sure i might hear something about it now and again. but its not like i can forget about u fully or pretend that u never happend. You will always be a piece of me and i will always have a piece of you under my skin.
I find it funny though, how sometimes i meet people who know my name but i cant remember theirs lol, it has happend a few times, sometimes i meet girls, i tell them my name and they reply 'oh i have heard about u before'....heh? what did u hear lol good or bad things ? haha. i guess i leave an impression, whether its good or bad i really dont know. And some that know me but i have no idea where i have met them before. i guess its just i have bad memory ? why is it so easy to remember the lyrics to a song and sing along, yet it is so hard to remember someones name or birthday, i guess its how much you value someone ? after you have known someone abit better you tend to care about them in ur life more. And they aren't just any plain no-body.
Recently got told to visit bodybuilding.com to look at some workout programs, but instead i got sidetracked to look at supplements and products that i thought could help me take a slight shortcut towards my workout haha. It's just amazing how they speak and sell these products on their website. The products that can help you get ripped quick and fast, some that help you burn fat 35% more, some that help suck water out of ur system so that you are left with dry ripped muscles popping out of your body LOL! this is some hilarious stuff.
I have been looking into a new product called Lipo 6X which is a fat burning muscle toning product, but reading the information and some reviews, it is stated that this product is unsafe and has High Side-effects after long term usage. hmmmm so i guess its worse than the Thermogen Xxxtreme pills im taking now lol. might have to give a skip on the Lipo 6X's then. Then i looked up on google 'the closest supplement to steroids is?' on google. to realise that you should not take roids unless u have been training for ages and are over 25 or 35 or something. looks like i'll give roids a miss aswell, not that i was probably going to do them, i was just giving it a think.
Nailed it hardcore at the gym last tuesday, around 30minutes on the treadmill to warm me up. then hit a Body Combat class at 5:45 for about an hour and then hesitated whether or not to follow it up by a Body Pump class or not. made my decision and pumped it for another hour in the body pump class. felt pretty much like death afterwards, but if it wasn't thanks to the 3 energy pills i took i would have been worn out wayyyy earlier than that.
Today is tuesday again :) but im just planning to only do the treadmill warmup and then the class and call it a day, of course im not going to forget about my trusty Xxxtreme pills.
Im working hard to my goals, seeing some success is great ! looks like i need to work harder and do more cardio!
Ham oUt !

Just The way you are

Your eyes, your eyes
make the stars look like they're not shining
your hair, your hair
falls perfectly without you trying
Your so beautiful
Id tell you everyday

I know, I know
When I compliment you, you won't believe me
And it's so, it's so
Sad to think that you don't see what I see
But everytime you asks me "Do I look okay?"
I say

When I see your face
There's not a thing that I would change
'Cause you're amazing
Just the way you are
And when you smile
The whole world stops and stares for a while
'Cause girl you're amazing
Just the way you are

Your lips, your lips
I could kiss them all day if you let me
Your laugh, your laugh
You hate it but I think it's so sexy
Your so beautiful
I'd tell you everyday

Oh you know, you know, you know
I'd never ask you to change
If perfects what you're searching for
Then just stay the same
So don't even bother asking if you look okay
'Cause you know I'll say

When I see your face
There's not a thing that I would change
'Cause you're amazing
Just the way you are
And when you smile
The whole world stops and stares for a while
'Cause girl you're amazing
Just the way you are

Last Drive up to tamworth and plans

I finish up here in tamworth on the 19th, yay! next weekend im going to do some sight seeing up here, hopefully some friends from newcastle will come up and visit and come along =) still have to plan where i want to visit around here. i almost want to drive up towards the boarder of queensland for a visit and see what its like, cause theres an amazing place up there which has a 'balancing rock' on another rock and im keen to visit it ! ^_^

I had a fun yet also depressing weekend, friday night was really quite boring, i just stayed home and caught up on some chinese tvb XD. saturday i went to charlestown with ben and chilled out, before going to badminton to hit some shuttlecocks. After badminton i went to a FOCUS farewell party, dressed in formal attire. was an amazing night :)

Fairytale moment

I dream of a moment, a moment where you fall amd i catch you.
I dream of a moment, a moment where its raining and i can offer you to come under my umbrella.
I dream of a moment, a moment where i will drive past you while your waiting at the bus stop, so i can pull over and offer you a lift.
I dream of a moment, a moment where we will be talking online and both be thinking the exact same thing.
I dream of a moment, a moment where anywhere out of the blue, be able to coincidently bump into you on the street or at the shops.
I dream of a moment, a moment where we can kiss under the rain.
I dream of a moment, a moment where the lift will stop and all there is in a 5 foot by 5 foot space is ME and YOU.
I dream of a moment, a moment where the pedestrian crossing green light is about to finish and i can grab you hand and cross the road with you.
I dream of a moment, a moment where i can wake up to you every morning.
I dream of a moment, a moment where i can wake up to your voice.
I dream of a moment, a moment where im with you and nothing else means anything to me, except you.
I dream of a moment, a moment where its cold and i can offer you my jumper.
I dream of a moment, a moment where you dive into me when we watch a scary movie together.
But a dream isn't forever...

Bring on the Good stuff !

Not long now ! not long till i get to leave tamworth and will have completed my course up here. I have an assessment day at Jetstar on monday, so keen for it hey. im pumped, im gonna nail this interview and get the position ! Yeah ! ADD OIL me ! XD
I'm also waiting for a phone interview from Qantas which i got told is going to be hard =( but i really want the position in sydney, so i can get away from newcastle and be in somewhere new :) start new and fresh in somewhere different from newcastle.
Time to get my ham on, get on the ball ! watch out ladies ! muahaha
Meeting lots of new people aswell, on the 16th i had an awesome saturday night, played badminton first then after that went to a Cultural festival in waratah, then went out to dinner with a bunch of people, then went to Darby st for some coffee with 3 very lovely ladies ;D


Then the day after adam came over to my place before i went to tamworth and we had another very funny yet random photo shoot, it reminded me of the old days that we had together, when we were young and didnt have that much in life to worry about.


Then on the 22nd i went to dinner at Wests with Julie and her 2 fine housemates

After dinner we had a drink and then we went in town, Julies 2 housemates shared a bottle of champagne and got pretty drunk, which we then followed by photos of them in the park haha

With weekends like this, what can i expect next ?

To speak forward or to remain peaceful ?

I am always given the situation that there is someone that i should say something to before i loose them. i know this because i have had it happen to me once before. You made a move to see if i was interested or not, but what did i do ? NOTHING
and then what happens ? now you have a boyfriend and you have also moved in with him, i mean seriously FML.
I learnt from a mate that it doesn't hurt to express what you feel, of course unless it makes or leaves someone else in pain. But to speak to a girl you think is quite cute is something that i should just DO. When i think of Yellow Fever i wonder whether or not its because us asian guys are shy therefore we keep loosing our asian girls to white guys. hmmmmm i got told that girls like guys to be confident in themselves and approach them as at least it shows intention and yeah.
Graham wu ahh graham wu ! stop being soo shy when you see a cute girl and go and talk to her !!! sometimes though when i see a cute girl i choke lol and then it just doesnt happen and she leaves *sighs* and this situation im talking about ? only happend to me the other day *sighs* D=
On this very day at this very moment i have to make a decision whether or not to say anything.

Gym work

I am starting to see some results from all my hard work at the gym finally ! =) pushing hard at boxing and practising my kicks i thought there was sweat coming off my nose, to realise when i wiped the sweat off my nose that it was bleeding. Maybe that was why i got the strange looks. I went to the washroom, washed off the blood and got right back into the kicks, even went harder than usual haha, then finished it off with a good hard weights session and i dropped the weights a little so that i aim for speed and not body building. I always find it funny how the stretching/boxing room is quiet until I begin my boxing training. Trying to perfect my One Inch Punch and make some progress i realised that i think it went backwards instead of progressing *sighs* looks like i should aim more for tonning and speed instead of body building and muscle growth. It sounds like a plan.
My mate chun recently said to me that he would like to kick my ass lol which made me pumped and now im so keen to have a Spar session with him and watch him whoop my arse haha i think it will be interesting and now i am mega excited for that spar session to take place.

Working Hard

Back from my 2 week break and i believe its time to get back into my studies and finish off the remaining 6 weeks that is infront of me. Goals for these 6 weeks ? hmmmm let me think- Study, Gym, Study, Gym and study. but at the moment the study part isnt going too well, where as the gym part is really doing some work. i really want to get fit and in shape for summer, i know everyone is saying it aswell and its also the same for me. i went to the gym on monday, did the usual abit of everything, abit of weights, half an hour on the treadmill and then left struggling to put on my seatbelts from sore arms and also such sore abs that it hurts me when i try to sit up out of my chair everytime.
There is always that time where you have to make a decision and this time for me, its not friendship or relationship. Its Body building with decreased speed or Agility for squash and im leaning more towards the side of body building. I really want to keep my speed at squash and also be able to train hard at the gym but i believe to have toe best of both worlds will be hard.
Currently im also applying for qantas and jetstar and im hoping really hard that i can get a job with either of them, this time is really the decider of my future, so nervous.
Have been meeting lots of new people at the moment aswell, its great, not being tied down to a relationship and i myself dont even know if i want to be in a relationship anyway, cant really make up my mind. Although a relationship would be nice so that i could have someone to spend my quality time with when im free and back from tamworth on the weekends.
thats all for now, time for work.

"Get Over You" - G.E.M

Moving along.

I think time is doing its job very well at the moment and i think im starting to move along, although there are still those times where im sad and think back to the past, i know that i cant fully forget what has happend. Whether i like it or not, you will always remain a part of my life. I now understand the different feelings and know the differences between 'still liking someone' and 'missing the feeling of being in a relationship'.
A good mate of mine recently had problems with his girlfriend, i tried to help him and give him advice but only after thinking to myself what was i thinking, the advice i gave him was more personal opinion, but luckily in the end he sorted everything out.

Relationships

I got told by a friend of mine that i recently met to not take relationships to seriously, of course at first this did sound abit bad to me, but then i kept listening to what she said and then the pieces of the puzzle started to make more sense. In not taking it too seriously she meant that, we are still young and that finding 'the one' at this age is close to impossible, of course trying is great but being able to learn from your mistakes is one very important thing in life. Being with someone new and being able to think, wow your much better than the last girlfriend that i last had, is good. Of course comparing people with one another isnt a very nice thing to do.
Theres a very nice sentance - To get the princess you must first slay the dragon.
What i learnt from my friend was that, Do i miss my last girlfriend? yes. Do I miss being in a relationship ? yes, more than my last girlfriend though. I learnt that what i missed most was not being with someone at the moment.
The last time i was at Nathaniels place and i seen people snuggle together, i felt sad, lonely and out of place. I missed the feeling of being with someone. I wanted to know that when i was away from tamworth for the weekend that i had someone to hangout with, someone that i could spend my valueable time with and someone that i could turn to right away when i was bored( and this not being a mate) and this being a girl. My Girl.

Job Applying

Just on the net applying for some jobs today and really thinking to myself i really want to get away from this place, go somewhere new, somewhere different, start a new life almost and forget about everything, although of course it is impossible to forget everything and move on, but at least im trying.
School holidays are coming up and yes usually i should be going to richmond for work experience but this time, i dont have to go, which means ! i get 2 weeks of holidays, YAY ^_^ hopefully i can spend these 2 weeks and have a nice break from TAFE and tamworth hehe
One thing i do know about the break is that i wont be going to the gym which means i'll end up gaining weight and loosing figure *sighs*
Summer is only around the corner and i really want to be in shape in time for it, but i know its going to be really hard to reach my goal no matter how hard i work towards it =(
Going to sydney in my break, will deffinitely be awesome, the food, the atmosphere, the memories....i mean.....hmmmm that will deffinitely be one thing i dont want to think about, instead....how about.....The women ! wow i feel like im in heaven down there, the girls are soooo cute Kawaii ne !
Also, i keep getting hassled by my mate ben, about being single *sighs*, most of my mates love to hassle me about having such an awesome car, but wonder why i dont have heaps of girls around me all the time, hmmmmm maybe i dont meet enough ?

Your Such a Tease !

i remember the first time we met, it was soo jolly, i thought u were amazing to be honest, your absolutely stunning, you have the hottest body, a perfect smile and another thing about u that turns me on is that u also have an accent when u speak and i find that really sexy haha XD
Everytime i see u, u make my heart skip a beat and we flirt, joke and laugh. No matter what when im around u, u always make me feel great no matter what mood i was in.
But that one time, the one time where i thought u were hinting something i didnt make a move, im not really sure if it was just ur friendliness or you were hinting something, maybe i was just overlooking things. I remember i then asked my friend and she told me that u have a boyfriend, but then i thought to myself, 'well then why does she flirt and stuff with me' hmmmm i was confused as hell. Then my nightmare and what i had hoped to not happen, happend. It went official on facebook. that moment that i saw it saying _______ is in a relationship with _________ i got so angry for some reason, maybe its cause i was actually interested in you and i didnt make a move, but i guess it was all too late now.
The most recent time we met, things have all changed, i cant be who i used to be around you because i have to remember that you are taken, you have another half, another half who i wish i was to be honest. i dont hear u mention him alot, but when i do its like u guys always have arguements or your not getting along or something. maybe you deserve someone better...maybe consider me ? haha that is when it really doesnt work out betweek you two and you break up, then maybe consider me. I dont want to break any couple up, because i would never want the same to happen to me and therefore i should respect you guys cause u are together.
But maybe that day will come and hopefully you will consider me ;)
Something that does make me think is, if a girl is with another guy and your keen on them, should you let them know that your keen on them, cause i mean i give u hints which i dont know is appropriate or not in your situation, like i said 'he's such a lucky guy to have you' i wonder if u got the hint or not... hmmmm

Memories

I went down to sydney the other day, to be exact i went down on the 2/9/2010. Friday it was, i left for sydney about an hour after i had just gotten home from tamworth. so all together i drove about 8 hours. it wasnt really tiring for me as i had gotten used to driving heaps, driving on the freeway was a breeze anyway, nice and straight although being nice and simple means it makes u wanna fall asleep.
Anyway i got down to sydney at about 5:30 and headed to go and get my haircut at the korean hairdresser, my night was good so far and i was all keen to have dinner with ella and hanah. i hoped onto facebook and saw that my mate posted happy 1 year anniversary on facebook which reminded me about something. It would have also been 1 year for me aswell, if i was still together with you. I guess its fate or destiny...or do they both mean the same ? from then on walking around with ella and hanah i was emotionless, memories was all that i had. All i wanted to do was drink until i didnt know whats going on, but i knew that i couldn't cause i had to drive back to newcastle. Thinking 'you know, it would have been amazing if we made one year and maybe the years after it aswell' but no that didnt happen. ella and hanah of course saw that there was something wrong with me as i didnt act like i usually did around them and continuously kept asking me 'whats wrong ham? whats on your mind??' i didnt really say anything. but after i left i sent them both a msg to apologise about my doppyness, hopefully they would understand.

I seriously couldn't care less atm.

At the moment im taking these Thermogen XXXtreme pills, you take 3 before going to the gym and geez do they do some work, they energise me like i've never been energised before. I took 3 the other day before going to work out and they gave me a masive hit of energy while running, allowing me to continue.


Apparently being the closest thing to Steroids in Pill form, they help you Boost metabolism, increase fat burning and energise the brain physically and mentally. All together allowing me to work longer and harder, push myself further than usually. I've asked a good mate who does fitness and him and a few others have told me to stay away. So its actually a secret. I read what each capsule contains, not knowing what the ingredients were i compared it to a Can of V drink. A regular can of V contains 300mg of Guarana in each can, where as each capsule contains 2750mg, let me help you do the math, thats about 9 cans of V worth of energy in each capsule, and i take 3 capsules each time, so about 27 cans of V worth of energy lol looks like im just taking steps closer to death. But at the moment i seriously couldnt care less.
All im in for at the moment is to burn fat, loose weight, tone up and get in shape, its just that im taking a slight shortcut thats all hahaha ;)
Peace.

Life And Trust

Possibly in a moment of your life a time will come that for almost anything or everything you think about, you will also think about someone who's special to you. You want to share with them everything you that you have or know. You want to share your anger, happiness or even sadness with them. When your phone rings you look and hope its them calling or if you get a msg you'll hope it's from them. You may even be stupid enough to plan a future.
But Love without Trust what is it ? Life without Trust, what is it ?
If you love someone and they dont trust what you tell them, then why love ? If there is the slightest bit of hesitation to believe what your other half has told you then it isn't really true love. Or am i just lying to myself?

Back to Square One

On the 21st of August i caught up with josh and ella at the Windsor Castle Pub place in maitland. we had dinner shared gossip and chatted, afterwards we decided to go bowling at rutherford, ella forgot her socks so she had to go back home to get them. i got there first and i sat in the car waiting for them. Flashbacks came to me.
I remembered back to about the same time last year when you came back to australia from your trip overseas to visit your family. i remembered when i slept in the car overnight to pick you up. I remembered being the last one that you saw before you left australia. I remembered the goodbye hug that we gave one another when i farewelled you. i remembered being the first one to see you again when you came back to the country. I remembered the excitement that i was in knowing that you were on your way back every second that i was waiting, knowing that every second you were closer. I remembered being that excited that i hardly got any sleep. I remembered the food we ate, the photos we took, the toys i won you, but most importantly i remembered you. each and everyone of those memories came back like no other. At that moment i questioned my decision, whether i made the right or wrong one.

~ 其實我不快樂 ~

Acting like we're Retired

On the 17th of July me and my good mate adam went to the Hunter Valley Gardens area to chillout, getting a good feeling of what its like to relax like a wealthy person hahaha
I mean we matched the criteria...kinda...i mean we drove a german car, visited wineries, played Aqua golf and had classy lunch lol. Altogether it was a relaxing day.
We Ate lunch at a place called Oiishi a Thai/Japanese Restaurant. Oiishi ! ^_^

The Restaurant was located inside the 'Tempus Two' Winery and there were buses of asians coming in, it was like asian buffet lol

Second set of work experience = Finished

Another set of work experience in Western sydney has finished once again. i learnt alot at the western sydney airbase, i learnt alot at this times work experience, set new goals, thought differently. I took a step forward, but memories took me back.
Have you ever sat down and just drank in ur own room because i remembered something sad? i have and thats almost what i did every single night down in sydney. You drink and drink until you no longer remember why you are even drink, lie down on the bed and fall asleep as its the only way you can get to sleep everynight.
when u walk, u are the same as an emotionless zombie wandering.
when u drive all think about is the road and nothing else, its like you have become ONE with the car, if the car crashes or breaks apart you do also.
Everynight i was down there, i did not eat a decent meal, even when i took food down, i rarely ate it, all i did was eat a little and then not feel in the mood to eat, then You wonder why you go through all this pain and hate yourself, then u wander back into your room, pick up another drink and repeat the process of drinking till you dont know whats going on and once again falling back asleep. You wake up the next morning, tired looking like crap and continue this procedure.

On the last night of work experience i met up with ella and hanah again in chinatown, for some reason when i am around them i feel joyful and happy. we had Japanese udon noodles and after decided that going to starcity was a good idea to have a few drinks,
we began strolling to starcity and just as we walked into darling harbour something came to sight, a giant Ferris wheel

i remember you saying that u wanted to go on this, i dont want to remember, but i cant forget.

Sometimes

Sometimes i think back to the very beginning and think about how it all began in the very first place. it was all a journey of my life. From that very moment that i got into mechanical engineering was when it all unravelled, the very instant that i became friends with Jiann was when it just seemed to unfold, meeting new friends and then going back to jianns house to then meet you.
I know i always say, never look back at what you have done, or even if one does it should be to recall something and learn from it so that you dont do it again. i havent been doing that, what i do is do something which will bring me back memories of my past and bring back sad memories of mine, leaving me in sorrows and past memories to think about. Even if i told someone at this instant i had gotten over it i would be lying.
If i got the chance to make a time machine one day, it would not to be to change what had happend between us, but to make it so that we had never met each other in the first place, as i have hurt this girl too too much, i would have become friends with jiann like usual but would have never chosen to go to his house, therefore not meeting you and not hurting you like i have done.

路小雨

***Winter***

Whoa i have never experienced a winter like this, i got a good example of how cold it is in Richmond in the future from experiencing the -5*C temperature, apparently being recorded as the coldest winter day in richmond in 61 years or something and how lucky was i to be able to experience it haha
waking up every morning with a fine layer of frost over the windscreen of the car making it impossible to see out of XD having to wake up earlier just to go and start the car for it to warm up and the melt the layer of frost covering the windscreen hehe
Work experience down here has been a really good adventure, we got put into the uni accomodation again *sighs* but oh well i got used to it the 1st night and was ready for another 3 weeks staying here.
Working in the hanger occasionally at below Zero degrees on just one or two mornings brrrrrrrrr =X which made all the other days just seem nice and warm even though they were still in the single digits of temperature.
5:45AM waking up every morning to get ready for work, looking like an eskimo wrapped in layers of clothing with a cold nose and ears =X they are something that will make me remember this place
Drinking is becoming a problem...in tamworth we arent allowed to drink or even have alcohol at the place where we stay, but down here we can let loose every night after work, which means we can drink. I have almost drank alcohol every night for the past 2 weeks and i dont think its a good thing *sighs*

Thought i might go and play squash last night, interesting fact hehe, so i walked in and started having a hit to practise so that i can beat chris this weekend and then the next thing i know and blonde chick walked in with a squash racquet in her hand and asked if i was playing alone and if she could have a hit with me, with no hesitation i said Yeah Sure =) we started playing and yeah. she wasnt too good at it and i just went easy on her hehe. i hinted at the end whether she wanted to play again and she replied yeah sure can i have your number hehe ^_^ we exchanged numbers and left it at that. Looks like squash has finally paid off hahaha meeting a chick was definitely not what i had expected.

This is definitely a different winter to the one i last experienced for sure =D

Friends

The Best of friends
can change a frown
into a smile
when you feel down

the best of friends
will understand
your little trials
and lend a hand

The best of friends
will always share
your secret dreams
because they care

The best of friends
worth more than gold
give all the love and care
a heart can hold

Flying a Kite

Recently i have suddenly loved to go to Dixon Park and just chill out and fly a kite, i find it really relaxing and its something to do also when i feel sad or just tied. Theres the saying but, If you only pull on the string of a kite and not let go occasionally the string will eventually break,

the string being the bond between two people, its used to describe relationships in general and how sometimes you have to let each other go slightly and not always just pull on one another.

Judging a book.

Some people view others by the way they look, some people judge you the first time that they see you. I have mates that tell me that cause i drive a nice car that i can get women heaps easily or should i say that it should be very easy to get women. But i dont want a girl that only likes me for the car that i drive. i think its called Materialistic? women that are like that i would never like to have, another thing is that they probably, look down on others and probably also brag.
I went to a mates birthday party the other night and i asked a friend to come along with me, instantly when i saw mates at the party their reaction was 'whos she?' and all these others, some asked me all sorts of questions and judged her by the way she looked and the way she dressed aswell. Some even said things criticising the way she looked, i was quite annoyed that they judged my friend. grrrrrr. one thing that was funny yet also strange was one guy asked, 'whos the girl, your wife?' its scary yet funny at the same time, cause they think just cause im asian and im with another asian girl that it was my wife hahaha

Broken Beauty

But when everything is over, we shouldn't look behind us but look towards the future.

Reblog

hehe a funny picture i saw XD

Just Because.

Just because someone flirts with you, Doesn't mean they like you. Just because someone likes you doesn't mean they want to go out with you. Just because they wanna go out with you, doesn't mean they love you. Just because someone loves you, doesn't mean that person wont hurt you. Because people lie, things change. Girlfriends change and Bestfriends will ditch you. And there are gonna be those people who would kill to see you fall.
x.

Those three words.

Im sure when someone says, those three words it can come to mind quite easily which three words they are talking about or trying to hint. It is easy to say those three words, anyone can do it. But to say it and mean it is a whole different story. I know mates that find a girls weakness for those three words said to them, they say it to them just to get in their pants, as bad as it sounds i kow people that are just like that. I have only ever said those three words to one girl and only ever meant it to that one girl, but thats now the past and i have moved on.

Protein ceases here.

hehe on the weekend when i went back home mum said to me again that i had gained weight, she asked if i had been taking the protein shakes again and when i told her i had been she wasnt too happy. she said that it affects a man reproductive systems and by that of course i dont mean, that guys can reproduce but i mean our little tadpoles that swim around inside of us haha, it affects those guys lol i found it funny but she said that i have to throw the bottle of protein away =( maybe i should just work hard and not rely on the powder to help me gain muscle growth. i think thats enough about protein for a day. =)
Keep up the hard work peeps, set your goals high and train hard!

TVB 最美麗的第七天 - 片尾曲 - 抱著空氣

Another awesome MV ^_^

That song, That Girl...

This song is so meaningful, i love it so much at the moment and the lyrics pretty much say exactly how i feel.

Blocked

according to my good mate, you actually still have a facebook its just that you have blocked me, for some reason i find it funny. do u really hate me that much ? ive heard my mates say before and also friends say, i spose just because ur not couples and together doesnt mean that you cant be friends, well i guess were not friends then. i wonder if there will ever be that moment that i run into you at the shops and it will be all awkward and stuff. hmmmm i must just be over thinking wayyyyy too much hey.
when i see pictures of you on facebook and your well, im happy. for some reason i got that feeling that you might be one of those girls that gets depressed. but i see that you enjoy yourself and im happy.

Sighs*

Im not doing too good in tests atm, i failed my AC2 test mainy due to lack of study i guess. i really have to focus and get a timetable and follow it seriously.
On another hand though i have been going to the gym and trying to buffen up abit for the ladies hehe i wonder if girls like guys that are buff or average size ?
all i know is that i want to loose this stupid belly of mine and thinnen up abit.
im sick of seeing myself in the mirror looking down and seeing my gut. its really making me sick, for some reason i think i have suddenly gotten some sort of disorder that makes me hate seeing myself in the state that i am in. i have gotten really cautious of what i eat in the mess hall aswell. i try to eat lots of green and as healthy as i can, i work hard at the gym even though i bounce around like a pinball i still work myself hard, the reason ? i got asked by my mate ? i dont really know myself, i could say to myself cause i want to be healthy ? but i would just be lying to myself. for some reason i just want to shapen up and make myself buff to make my ex jealous... O.o'' what would she get jealous about anyway ? i dont even know myself.
i have also been gettin into mood swings, i get really angry or hate something or someone at just random times for some reason, and i get angry aswell. Why? i dont even know.
sometimes the stuff that i do reminds me of you, why. how come i cant get u out of my life. i guess i just need time to heal me from you. hopefully time will heal me and i will move on.
i didnt cheat on you, but after we broke up and i met up with ellas friend hanah i felt sparks you know. i had an awesome time with her and i totally forgot about you right away. im starting to get used to this single lifestyle every weekend that i go home. i have so much free time to hang out with mates and stay around at home feeling great. although i am also keen to get back into a relationship and have someone i can cuddle up with in this cold, someone that can warm my heart with just a text msg when we are more than 300ks away.

Single again....

its been a while since i last blogged, i suddenly had the urge to blog and also i had alot to say aswell.
Well alot has happend since the last time i blogged, im now single again, yep i broke up with michelle. i was the one to make that decision and draw that line with her. the reason ? well i dont want to blame it on my crush, i guess she had something to do with it and also she didn't i dont know myself to be honest. im really sorry that i wanted to break up michelle, but i honest could not stand the constant problems that we were having, everytime i had some closer contact to other girls that i knew you wud be angry and this wud constantly happen, i felt as if i was restricted by you and then when u got angry i wud have to come after you to apologise about what i had done. when i said to you that i loved you i really meant it everytime that i said those words to you.

When a mate asked me, 'Did you ever like her graham?' i was angry at him that he asked such a stupid question, of course i liked her, i liked her the most out of all the girlfriends i have had. i want to let you know but michelle, i want to get over you i want to move on, but truth is even when i tell myself that i have gotten over you, im just lying to myself. i know this.

Time for another Ham-date.

Almost 2months its been, being up here in tamworth, i never new what life could bring for me or where i would end up, i never set myself a goal. Well i guess here i am, in tamworth, Country music capital of australia. Theres not much here, but its nice and simple, just the way i like things, i think that if something gets heaps complicated well then theres a bigger chance of something going wrong, so why not just keep it simple. Although some things you have to think about and keep in mind the thought that you do only get to live once and that the things u think u shud do u shud go out and do them. the chinese saying of 'mm lee chin hou, dar see bar jow' haha yes it might not sound too smart but hey, what the hell XD.

Planes were never a big thing for me, i was more into cars. the reason why i chose mechanical engineering. Then after one year, im doing pathetically at it, i dont see whats the point on going on with it. so i decide to change to Construction management. At that time i still didnt know if it was right for me, but i knew that i didnt want to end up doing something for the rest of my life which i didnt like. Here i am right now working away on planes, i guess its a planned thing in life for me. right now im enjoying working on planes, its slowly coming into me that i like them more and more, of course though, i still like cars more hehe, but planes will be where i earn my money from. hopefully i can get somewhere with this job, i know that working hard brings outcomes, i set the sort of goals that my dad did and i respect him for what he has achieved in all the years of hard work. i remember him telling me what days he went through.

I hope that this job of Mine being an Aircraft Maintenance Engineer in Avionics' can take me across the world with it, of course the work that i do helps the planes go across the world, but can they give me the same return ? hehe i want to earn lots and lots of money, so that i can make living easy for my parents and my other half. i want them to have a lifestyle that they have never experienced before, i don't mind hard work as long as its helping me achieve a goal in life.
Ham Out.

I don't ?!...... You've left me 'sum tarm'

This morning you rung me and told me that your parents might no longer be coming to see ur graduation. i know this is sad for u,but that means that i don't have to meet them just yet. you then said that i didn't love you or something and then hung up on me. Im pretty sure u know that meeting someone elses parents is a very stressful thing and that i would get very nervous if i did meet them.
later on 2day u rung me and said that i didnt love u cause i didnt want to meet them just yet, where as i got offended quite alot when u said that to me, i walked over and turned the music off in the background and came back and sat down seriously and then said to you HOW i didn't love you. If i didn't love you michelle, i wouldnt have read ur comment seen that u wanted the sims 3 expansion pack and went out especially just to buy it for you. You think that i really asked for ur adress just so i could have a look at your house on google maps ?? no, i actually rung u 2-3 or 4 times while i was at the post office to ask u for ur address i know u were about to start work so u didnt pick up the phone, then i rung menglin and wanted to ask her, then u called me back, i wrote ur address on and posted it off. I wanted it to be a suprise for u cause i cant come back to see u for 3 weeks and i thought if u had the expansion pack that u wanted u could maybe pass time abit better.
I had to ruin that suprise that i had to tell you, JUST HOW MUCH I LOVED YOU. I had to tell you that i sent you something as a suprise and ruin it just to let you know.
sum tarm...

Would you ?

Since you and her were quite young you used to be friends, as time passed the friendship grew stronger of course. Not too long you both have become teenagers and also Girlfriend and boyfriend. You spend some of the best days of your life together, you watch the sunrise with her enlightened by the beginning of another day, you also get to see the warmth filled egg yolk sun disappear behind the mountains as that day comes to a conclusion, every moment spent with one another is special and rewarding, every moment without one another passes by slower than ever.

One day though she has a tragic traffic accident and looses all her memories. She doesn't remember a thing at all. Not her name, her parents, friends, family or you. Those years that you have spent with her have all been forgotten. What would you do ? would you do everything you did with her all over again ? You cast your mind back on the memories, from the young childhood memories of sharing an ice-cream back at school to the times where you would go and watch a movie with her that even though you did not enjoy the movie you cherished the time that you were able to spend with her.

Would you journey through all of it again ? You would if you loved them.
Ham.

Valentines Day.

My First ever decent and romantic valentines day, was spent yesterday with my lovely girlfriend michelle of course. I don't know why but previously valentines just hasn't seemed to be going too well. i broke up with (we shall call her) H before that day even came around, so that didn't go too well and then after that...we wont go there.
But this time was completely different, michelle had a lovely surprise for me when i got to her place and it was amazing, its a secret to just me and Michelle hehe.
Michelle had already gotten me and card and given it to me in advance cause i didn't plan on going back to Newcastle so soon. She made me and scrapbook of memories and gave it to me before i left as well, it was the best gifts i had ever received in my lifetime no joke. each time i miss you and think about u, i can pull out the scrapbook of our memories out and read it reminding me of those gifted and perfect moments we spent together.
I really think though that even though im 3 and a half hours drive away from you that we arent growing apart, but that each time we see each other we grow stronger everytime, wouldn't you agree ? i really think that we are growing that strong, it amazes me sometimes, not that i didnt think that we would, but i have never like a girl(you michelle wong) so much before and yeah =)

Im sorry that we couldnt go out for a lovely romantic valentines day dinner with you, but how about i promise you for next year, hows that sound dear ? unless i get held up with work or family, then please forgive me.

That night that we spent together was truly amazing and I WILL NEVER FORGET IT, i promise, it was the best valentines i have ever had, mainly because it was spent with you michelle, I Love You Dear.
xoxo Graham. x

Ham-date...kinda like an update,but better.

Im now starting my 2nd week up here in tammworth. ive made lots of friends and met alot of new people. i was a tad worried before coming up here, i thought it was going to be like the country and stuff, the impression or image that i got was like 1 corner store with little kids hanging out the front in the area and being the only shop in like at least a 2 kilometer radius, but it isnt like that luckily, its got all the shops some are closer together and others like shopping centres are heaps spaced out.

I should be receiving my first ever paycheck or payslip today, im currently awaiting for that very moment, cause i want to use it to buy some stuff to make myself happy. Also i have promised to myself that even though it is my first job and the first time i have made money myself, i am going to firstly spend it on buying something for my lovely girlfriend michelle, cause i think she deserves and present =D

They say that time flies when ur having fun, it does in class when we are doing prac or if i am learning something interesting and exciting, but as soon as class is over and i go back to my room, times passes very slowly, at times like that i wish i could spend it with my girlfriend, those days i would only be a 5 min drive away...but now i am like 3 and a half hours away from you.
I miss you everyday im here michelle and will always have u on my mind.
I promise i will work hard and make lots of money so that we can maybe go on a holiday =)
I also miss my family and mates back in newcastle, i know that while i am away my parents are working very hard in the shop without my help and thats one thing that makes me sad when i think of it. im trying hard to find someone to go there and helpout and work *sighs* also missing some of my good mates back in newcastle like adam and nathaniel =D

Hamdated and complete.
Ham.

Thanks for nothing.

Today i was so happy coming home, i saw mail and it was the forms from the Hunter Net training company. i was so happy, words could not describe my feelings. You were the first person i called, even before my parents YOU were the first to know. i thought it wud be nice for us to have dinner together and be happy a small simple but HAPPY dinner together, nothing big, just me and u. i think i sat there for 2hrs waiting i think it was. u dont know how hungry i was from the work that i did today, walking around in the 30+ degree heat in the sun delivering pamphlets. I was so happy we could celebrate but after some time i lost that feeling, im sorry. i know you were with ur friend and her sister cause she was down, but i cant accept it i dont know why, im sorry, call me whateva but how depressed i was, tears fell as i drove home and they fall this moment while i type this. Its not your fault its mine.

< / 3

There are times when i wish that i could disappear, however I can't do magic. So I can only wear my sunglasses and pretend that no one can see me, or the pain inside my eyes. I thought that i had found happiness, but all i found was loneliness and pain. But then when you realize that all of those thoughts are just a dream you have to face the truth. And I do. I just tell myself it wasn't meant to be.

愛在記憶中找你..

Disappearing memories...

Its been a long time since we caught up, us 3. i remember the days back at uni when we were all so close, but now as time passes, we have grown apart, we have all taken different paths and have all become so busy. Catching up the other day did bring back some memories and also i felt inside maybe there was still something, but i know that nothing can happen and i also wont let anything happen between us. i felt that u had some drawbacks with what u said and asked me. i felt that u didnt like to ask some specific questions. when i dropped u home and it was only u and me inside the car, it was so quiet, only the slightest exchange of words yes no turn left right and when u left, u only said Bye, only the sound of the music playing..the sound of the blinkers..the sound of the road. I saw the toy that i gave u in ur lounge room, u still have it, seeing that its in ur lounge room at least i know there is nuthing, at least u didnt throw it out right ? if it was maybe in ur room, then that might be a worry. i wonder if when u see that toy it wud make u think of me.

Ive been trying to let it go ever since i knew that it wasnt going to work out between us, we lost contact and grew further apart each and every single day. Sometimes when i think back to that time, it makes me angry but at the same time also sad cause i went from '爱你变成恨你' everytime i listen to that song it reminds me of you. I even deleted your number out of my phone, one year later when u texted me to ask if i wanted to have a re-union i didnt even know who you were until u told me that u were u. I blocked you on msn and hid u away, knowing that each time i thought of u it would hurt me inside, cause i fell so deep for you. I didnt delete u on facebook and myspace cause i knew that others will know something has gone wrong and i dont want them knowing as it was just a secret between us two.

Its been more than a year and a half since then, some of those memories we had together still remain in my head, but slowly disappear as the good moments i currently have, clear out the old with the one i love at the moment. Yes i know i havent fully forgotten you, but im sure time will tell. I hope that we can become just typical friends just like the time we met one another.